That's Church

Well, here’s something I just discovered.

If you imagine Jamie Dixon isn’t so much coaching basketball as he is cutting a move on a disco dance floor, the pictures become SO MUCH MORE FUN:

Let’s hear it for Jamie, ladies and gentlemen.

Also, here’s a fun game.  You can also caption these pictures in almost this exact order to the lyrics of “I like Big Butts.”  Seriously.  Guess which one is, “… a round thing in your face.”

1.  It’s that time of the year when I make up my mind to lose the weight I put on over the winter, and this winter, what with the snowmageddonness of it, was especially nom-nom-nom for me.  Oooh! A handful of year-old M-n-Ms in the couch cushions? DEVOUR!

Problem is that I keep being sabotaged in my efforts to lose the winter pounds.  Sabotaged by my mother giving me a half a wheel of Jarlsberg cheese.  Sabotaged by birthday cakes.  Sabotaged by family dinners at my parent’s house.  Sabotaged by the kids’ treat basket.

What I need is a stomach virus.  10 lbs. in three days.  Bam.

2.  The Fan interviewed my self-united husband Daniel Sepulveda, and as pointed out to me by butler Mike, Daniel basically says, when asked about his relationship with Benny, that while they will be there for Benny as a football team, he can’t really speak much to what Benny is like as a person because they haven’t spoken more than three sentences to each other in the three years their lockers have been touching.

HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!

As Mike said, “Maybe because Benny’s an asshole?”

3.  Ed Bouchette is filing reports on PG+ (pronounced lindar vithel in Elvish) from the NFL owners’ meeting in Orlando, and among his snippets about Mike Tomlin snubbing Pittsburgh reporters only to have him grant interviews to the NFL network, lies this snippet about Benny:

I can tell you it continues to be a hot topic in Orlando. I had a chance to talk to a handful of club officials and some from the league before their 9 a.m. meeting with Goodell today and I’ve come to the conclusion that if he is charged in this incident, his days playing for the Steelers could be over.

Can you imagine the Steelers without The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross?  WHO WILL LEAD THE PEOPLE THEN?!

4.  Roller derby is back in action with a new season and I’ll be attending the April 17th match since I missed the sold-out home opener.  Can not wait.  Going to get me a ‘Snot Rocket Science shirt!

Also, check out the mascot for her Steel Hurtin’ team.  Meet Miss Judy Squeakers who I don’t need to tell you kinda looks like a black and gold hand-crocheted tampon.

I say that with love.

5.  John Steigerwald wrote a blog post in which he called Benny a “punk” and a “jackass” and even mentioned drugs.  Mondesi’s House has an interview with John about it.  Check it out.

6.  A brilliant idea! Mix glitter with rice then feed it to the pigeons and VOILA!  Nature’s fireworks complete with a satisfying popping sound.

(h/t Stephanie)

7.  Troysus Polamalu and his doggies and his HOTNESS film a commercial for Nemacolin’s dog resort.  This video has the candid behind-the-scenes stuff.

(h/t Leo and Jim)

8.  Screenwriter Carl Kurlander of St. Elmo’s Fire fame and who was once asked by Oprah about his move back home, “PITTSBURGH?!?!  PITTSBURGH?!?!,” is showing his Tale of Two Cities, a movie about his move from Hollywood to Pittsburgh, at SouthSide Works Cinema until March 25, before taking his movie on the road to places like Capitol Hill, Delray Beach, Tempe, Arizona, and the Boston Museum of Fine Arts.

As he writes on the facebook page:

Please help us spread the word as the film has been picked up for distribution and if we can sell enough tickets this week, it could really make a difference in getting the movie out there.

Buy your tickets here!

Saturday morning Pittsburgh woke up to such promise of a spectacular day that my sisters and I headed to the Pittsburgh Zoo and PPG Aquarium with our gaggle of children.  We didn’t realize it was Mr. Rogers’ Won’t You Be My Neighbor Day at the zoo, meaning free admission for kids, meaning all of Pittsburgh showed up with all of their children and their grandchildren and their aunts and uncles and third cousins four times removed and maybe some random people they picked up on the way to the zoo.

It was, in a word, a zoo.

Bah-bah-BAH! I’m here all week.  Try the veal! [finger guns]

Some notes:

• The penguins sure are an entertaining bunch of animals.  Constantly trying to outdo each other.  I like penguins.  Are they birds?  If they’re birds, then they might be the first birds I’ve ever liked.  Oh, no wait.  I like birds that eat pigeons, so I also like hawks and falcons and pterodactyls.  So, to sum up.  Birds I like:  pigeon-killing birds and penguins, if they are birds.
• We watched a baby sea lion continuously and openly defy its mommy sea lion who wanted the baby sea lion to stay in the water and swim.  Instead, the baby sea lion would hop up on deck, much to the barking anger of its mommy, and then the baby would hop up on some rocks, much to the louder barking of its mommy who was probably all, “YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE!  YOU’LL PUT YOUR EYE OUT!”  Then the baby sea lion would reach from the rocks to the wall and with his snout (nose? noggin? scientific sea lion nose term?) would try to knock one of the trainers tools off of the hook where it hung, and then the mommy would go all out pissed and hop up on the deck barking like a dingo all, “YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER SURFACES!” and the baby sea lion would be all, “PSYCH!” and jump in the water before its mommy could catch him.  I think the baby sea lion gave my kid some ideas.
• My son, as we neared the elephants, screamed at the top of his lungs, “WHOA!  ELEPHANTS SMELL LIKE DIARRHEA!”  It was a proud moment.  I’m going to give myself a back-pat that he didn’t shout, “WHOA!  ELEPHANTS SMELL LIKE ASS!”
• We all paid $10 to get our picture taken with an elephant and said elephant rewarded us by using his trunk to sniff and then smack my nephew in the “tenders” so to speak.  We’d have won $10,000 on America’s Funniest Home Videos if we’d been rolling film as my nephew crumbled to the ground in slow-motion while we all pointed and laughed.  Also, having stood close enough to get molested by one, I can confirm that elephants do indeed smell like diarrhea. And ass.
• The sharks and the gorillas freak me out because they both look at me and they both speak to me menacingly with their eyes, “Silence! I kill you.“
• All in all a great day at one of my most favorite Pittsburgh spots.  Of course, once again, the polar bears didn’t swim despite the huge crowd of people just hanging out in the tunnel waiting for something to happen.  ANYTHING.  A ripple.  A pebble drop.  A toenail dipped in the clear water.  But the polar bears just watched the people from the safety of the rocks where they sat, breathing and blinking, all, “If they only knew we don’t even know HOW to swim. Suckas.”

The next time we go to the zoo, I’m going to take matters into my own hands and bring dead fish in my purse, and hope I reach the polar bears before the gorillas attack me all, “SILENCE!  I KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR FISH!”

(source)

Hold on to your french fry-topped whatevers, Burghers, because no, I am actually NOT going to LOLcaption that picture with “Im in ur internetz, roulettin ur chat,” or “Im in ur interwebz, lookin at bewbs.”

Because, on this one, I’m on Lukey’s side.  I’m so much on his side that he and I could skip arm in arm down the yellow brick road to Oz.

Google, who you know I love like a pierogi loves a cheesy-potato mixture, is looking for a few cities in which to lay some majorly awesome techy super duper fast Internet doohickey thingamabob, technically speaking.

Mayor Luke Ravenstahl said Wednesday that Pittsburgh would build on the pioneering legacy of George Westinghouse and Jonas Salk by luring a super-fast Internet system to the city, and he urged residents to help him make the case with Google.

Google, the Internet search engine, is seeking test cities for the ultra-high-speed broadband network it’s developing.

Mr. Ravenstahl said Google’s project could make the Internet 100 times faster than it is now, something that could transform education, health care, business and everyday life in a test city.

I want I want I want I want!

Google already has an office here filled with lots of adorable and hard workers with giant monitors and a dessert bar complete with huge chunks of chocolate. [sigh]

Where was I?

Right.

Pittsburgh is a pioneer in Internet connectivity for the people.  Our airport gets regular raves on twitter for its free wifi and Pittsburgh was one of the first cities in America to offer free downtown wifi.  We are all about the easy access to the surfing of the Intertubes. N’at.  This is a natural next step.

Perhaps the most important thing is this: community support will play a role in the cities Google selects.  Are you kidding me?  Come on, Pittsburgh.  We got this.

Community support is what we do.  It’s who we are.  It’s our people and our neighborhoods and our state of mind.

Community support is why the transplant floor at Children’s Hospital is going to be outfitted to the nines, as they say, with XBOXs and laptops and games and movies and love.  Community support is what saved BRESMA.

So what we need to do to voice our community’s support is go to this website Pittsburgh Goes Google and scroll down and click one of the options.  I chose to voice my support and here’s what I wrote:

Because Google already has built a relationship with Pittsburgh and has already made a long term commitment to the city.  Because Pittsburgh and its people support this effort.  Because Pittsburgh was, is, and always will be a pioneer.

It’s your turn now. Go on. Git.  I’ll be here when you get back, probably asking Luke, “Brain or heart?”

Found on the Post-Gazette’s main page:

Am I outing myself as some sort of sci-fi nerd or would you say “frack” and “frak” have gone pretty mainstream?

Either way, I think the effects of “fracking” are “babies” … or “getting caught doing girls in the public bathroom.”