That's Church

We’re joking around on Twitter because I referred to Munhall’s Chief Rodgers as “strapping” but I can’t help it. That’s the word that comes to mind when I see a picture of him.

(photo by Jonathan Wander)

Tall. Tough. Strapping. Like the guy on the Brawny towels.

Either way, I totally have an I’m-happily-married crush on Chief Rodgers and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

You can now go to see a slideshow of my experience doing drills with the company, complete with pictures of every drop of makeup melted off my face. It’s super sexy. And be sure to read the photo captions.

Also, you can read the Princess Bride reference that ended up hitting the cutting room floor.

Go on now. I’ll be here when you get back.

From reader Mark in response to my request in this post:

Someone get SyFy on the horn. We already have the title and the artwork; we just need the script.

(screenshot from Tom Corbett’s site. Someone change that to “WHEN DAN’S EYEBROWS ATTACK” for me)

Three memorable things I’ve heard since yesterday.

1. Marshall shouting “SWEET MOTHER NATURE!” on How I Met Your Mother. I’m going to find a way to use that. Probably the first time I find a picture of a shirtless Daniel Sepulveda. Or Mike Wallace.

2. On WPXI, during a segment about the Bethel Park School strike, they had a soundbite from a parent. Parental reaction to the strike. This is the soundbite they chose:

“It is … what it is. If they’re going to strike … they’re going to strike.”

BRAVO! So much said there. It’s like “Que sera, sera,” but with more words.

3. This morning on the radio, a commercial for Tom Corbett:

“[voice of doom] The Northshore Connector is a blah blah blah … costing … blah blah blah … but it might as well be called [pause] [super doomy voice of doom gets even doomier] THE DAN ONORATO TUNNEL TO NOWHERE.”

LOL. Take a note, Internet, the Northshore Connector shall hereforetoeverafter be known as [doomy voice] THE DAN ONORATO TUNNEL TO NOWHERE.

And you have to say it in all caps with lots of doom.

“Excuse me, Sir. I’m a little lost. What’s the fastest route to the stadiums?”

“Well, you’re gonna wanna go left here and then take the [doomy voice] DAN ONORATO TUNNEL TO NOWHERE.”

In order for us to get through this post by the time Gene Steratore is done explaining why he ruled the way he did on the fumble recovery, it is important that we let him get started now:

We’ll check back in with Gene momentarily.

Let’s talk about the game.

1. First, Daniel Tosh can kiss my ass. Hard.

2. The first part of the first quarter of the game was played in an alternate universe where the Steelers were prone to turnovers.

First a fumble and loss on a kickoff return and then Ben Roethlisberger coughed it up and just like that, it’s 6-0 Miami.

3. Let’s check back in with Gene.

Still busy. We’ll get back to him shortly. Someone get that man a Telestrator.

4. Mike Wallace again with the long ball for a touchdown, this catch to the tune of like 50+ yards. What is it about that man that allows him do that so often? He’s leading the NFL in yards per catch right now. Is it just that he runs so fast he gets ahead or is it, as my brother-in-law said, “He’s incapable of running a route and just runs straight, so he gets there fast.”

Whatever, BIL, you’re just jealous that he’s a billion times hotter now that the faux hawk is gone.

5. Back to Gene:

And back to the game. More from Gene in a bit.

6.  James Harrison managed to get through the game without an illegal hit. Bravo, James! You can do iiiit!

7. I don’t believe Hines Ward is aging. He shows no signs of slowing down at all, even looking to be injured but coming back in two plays later.

Beautiful catches and always with the smile. Did you see him score that touchdown when he should have been pushed out at like the 10-yard line, but evaded the tackler and then ran with a man on his back to the end zone?

Mad love for Hines yesterday. Mad love.

8. Let’s go to Gene:

WHOA, GENE! We’ll cut you off right there and we’ll be back in a minute. Keep working.

9. Someone finally put the brakes on Rashard Mendenhall’s bulldozer because the boy couldn’t do anything yesterday. I don’t know so much that that is his fault or the fault of the miserable performance by the O-line.

Also, quoting my mother to my father… “You’re right, dear, I don’t believe that O-line likes Ben very much. They’re not protecting him.”

10. Back to Gene!

God, Gene. Wrap it up. I’m almost done talking about the game here. Sheesh.

11. We have lost Aaron Smith for likely the season, add to that injuries to Woodley and Flozell Adams and yesterday’s win was costly to the Steelers.

12. It’s raining today.

13. How do you pronounce Worilds last name?

14. Gene?

Ugh. I’m trying to stall so that Gene can have time to finish explaining himself. It’s not working.

15. The big controversy of course is that Benny dove for a touchdown while the Steelers were down by one late in the fourth quarter. He lost the ball, but the ruling on the field was that it was a touchdown. After a challenge, it was determined that it was not a touchdown, but was in fact a fumble.

Boo.

However.

YAY!

After what seemed like a twenty-minute explanation in which he may have mentioned oranges, proboscis monkeys and Jupiter, Gene said that they couldn’t determine who recovered the ball and therefore, it’s the Steelers ball on fourth down at the two-yard-line and here comes Skippy Skeeve to put us over the top, much to the horror of all of Miami.

Internet, we lucked out. It seemed to me that Benny fumbled, Miami recovered and it should have been a Miami ball.

The Gods of Football smiled down on us and that win, while totally a stolen win, is still a win.

I feel for Miami though. If the shoe was on the other foot, my couch would have been on my porch, in flames.

16. Let’s let Gene take us out of this post:

I gotta stop him there. We’re out of time. Let’s just assume his paper is entitled, “How to make yourself the most hated man in Miami.”

Just keep telling yourself, Pittsburgh, a win is a win is a win is a win is a win …

Found on Craigslist:

I’m going to have a disturbing dream tonight. I can just tell.

(h/t Nick)