That's Church

Did I just criticize the mayor? YES! Shocker.

Am I about to praise the mayor? YOU BETCHA!

Because it directly affects me, you see, and I’m all about ME! Mememememememe!

What’s got two thumbs and is me? ME!

First:

The Pittsburgh Parking Authority agreed Thursday to provide free weekend parking at all 11 of its garages during the holiday season.

Garages in Downtown, Oakland and Shadyside will offer free parking after 4 p.m. Friday and all day Saturday and Sunday.

This is fantastic news for us downtown business owners! I could high-five the shit out of some politicians right now.

And second and most important!

In another incentive to bring more people Downtown, the mayor’s office, in conjunction with the Market Square Association and the Pittsburgh Downtown Partnership, will begin offering valet parking to visitors starting Wednesday.

The parking will be available in Market Square from 5 p.m. until 1 a.m. The cost will be $5.

“This is an exciting new service to be tested Downtown to see if there’s a demand,” said Nick Nicholas, a restaurateur and merchant who serves as spokesman for the Market Square Association.

While the drop-off point is in Market Square, Mr. Nicholas said the service is available to anyone who comes Downtown to eat, to go to a show or for some other purpose. He said the $5 fee covers the entire evening.

This is a big deal and Nick has been talking about doing this for a while now. We looked into having valet parking for our restaurant but then we were crushed by a dollar sign the size of your car.

So take advantage, Burghers, so that we can keep this service around. Go and support all of us downtown merchants!

And if you see Lukey, shake your head sadly at him and then give him a high-five and hand that man a juice box in his favorite flavor.

I’ve avoided the Penn State scandal since my post on it mostly because I’m happy that those the grand jury implicated in it have all been removed from Penn State and that leaves the public to focus on the victims and the upcoming trials.

Lots of shit has hit the fan since that post. Mark Madden let it leak that reporters are investigating the possibility that Sandusky was pimping the kids out to donors of the Second Mile. Paterno resigned for the end of the season, saying “in hindsight” he wished he would have done more. He was fired that very evening. Riots. Idiots who never marched for the abused, marched for the one they saw as the victim in their eyes. Someday they’ll regret that. Sandusky spoke to Bob Costas and took ten seconds to say he wasn’t sexually attracted to boys. The Second Mile president resigned. Mike McQueary is gone but claimed that he stopped the rape, not “physically,” but somehow he stopped it and he went to the police, but the police say that isn’t true.  And on and on and on they all fall down like toy soldiers. [/Martika]

Now, we have a local spin on the story and that’s why I’m broaching it again.

Franco Harris, in an interview, defended Joe Paterno’s actions in the wake of the 2002 accusation by McQueary, who he also defended. Not only that, he personally traveled to Penn State to try to meet with the Board of Trustees to ask them to re-hire Joe Paterno. Joe was Franco’s coach and they are seemingly quite close.

I disagree with just about everything Franco said about Joe Paterno and Mike McQueary. Vehemently.

Despite this, I love Franco Harris. I’ve met him several times through my work and through our restaurant. He attended our first grand opening. He sang mariachi songs with the kids. He is a good person and despite this difference of opinion, I believe he is still a good person, just perhaps one with a misguided sense of loyalty to Joe Paterno that has clouded his ability to see clearly where things went wrong at Penn State.

Franco was quickly fired as a spokesperson for the Meadows Casino, which is very much their prerogative, because from a PR standpoint, that’s a sudden and unwanted association with the most negative and atrocious news story in recent years. Some companies don’t wish to deal with possible fallout from that kind of negative association and choose to part with the spokesperson. See Mendenhall, Rashard.

Now Lukey has written Franco a very strong letter demanding he resign as chair of the Pittsburgh Promise, of which Lukey is a member of the board. First, I wasn’t aware that one board member could demand a chair resign. It just doesn’t work that way in the nonprofit sector.

You can go read the letter here. Here’s the BIG part:

“It is my ethical and moral responsibility to recognize that you are no longer a suitable representative for any organization, let alone ours, and demand that you resign immediately from the Board of the Pittsburgh Promise.”

The Pittsburgh Promise has defended Franco and Franco himself said he has no intention of leaving the Promise, but has temporarily stepped down as chair while remaining a full voting member.

Here’s my thoughts on this:

1. I don’t agree with what Franco said and I don’t agree with him saying it so very publicly, because it came across as very calloused toward the victims. But because he chose to throw himself into the fire, he has to deal with the heat. Some of that heat will come in the form of lost income. In his defense, he did speak out on behalf of the victims yesterday, but the damage is done unfortunately.

2. That said, regardless of whether or not you think Franco should have been asked to step down by the Meadows or Lukey, I think many would agree with my opinion that Lukey went overboard in a very finger-wagging, tsking, fire and brimstone kind of way.

I’m not sure what the Mayor thought to accomplish by handling things this way.  The email, which was also sent to the Promise board, is beyond over the top and goes so far as to link to an article about the Meadows. WTF? Did he think Franco was going to read it and go, “The Meadows fired me?! Why didn’t I know about this?!” Did he think the Board of Trustees were all vacationing under a rock? The linking to the article leads me to believe that Lukey had every intention of the public seeing his angry missive.

Did he think we were going to grab our torches and pitchforks and march on Sewickley? Did he do it to embarrass the father of his recent mayoral opponent by writing him a letter with the vitriol usually reserved for an email to the woman you caught your husband cheating with?

It is all too public and angry and THE HAMMER OF THOR-ish.  I don’t even know if Thor has a hammer and if he uses it to mete out swift merciless justice but I like the sound of it so HAMMER OF THOR it is.

The email almost reads like the kind of open letter/rant I would post to Rashard Mendenhall after he ran his mouth on twitter about oral sex and 9/11. But I can get away with that. I’m just a blogger. Rashard doesn’t know I exist. I have no power and no connection to him. I’m NOT THE FREAKING MAYOR.

3. I think if the Promise decides Franco, in light of his public opinions about this case, is no longer the best person to be leading an organization dedicated to helping young people access higher education, they would do the decent thing and sit him down and privately ask him to resign. Even calling him would be better.  I can’t see them ever taking the angry high-horse tack Lukey is taking.

Lukey, writing Franco a direct letter and telling him that in your esteemed high and mighty state of moral superiority that he is “no longer a suitable representative for any organization” (emphasis mine) smacks of disdain that runs far below the surface of whatever murky waters you’re treading. Franco has been a spokesperson for Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program for decades and they’ve indicated that they will not be making any changes to that. Each organization should choose for itself if Franco’s opinion is worth a permanent separation regardless of what your perceived ethical and moral responsibility is. In this case, all we want to hear from anyone is that it is our ethical and moral responsibility to stop and report child abuse to the police.

You’re the MAYOR. Unlike us lowly bloggers, YOU have to be diplomatic. YOU have to be a grown up.

YOU have GOT to get better freaking advisers.

P.S. I assume you’ll be cheering on your buddy Big Ben next week? That twice-accused-of-sexual-assault friend whose wedding you attended? Isn’t it your moral and ethical responsibility to tell him that maybe he’s not a good representative for his foundation or ANY organization? I mean, since Franco was expressing an opinion about a matter but it was Ben who was actually the accused, it seems to me one of those is worse than the other. But what do I know? I’m just a stupid blogger.

———

What do you guys think about this? I’d really love to hear both sides of this issue. I doubt there are many that agree with Franco’s views, but are they enough that he should be asked to step down from the Promise? And are they enough that Lukey should have blasted him the way he did? Is my love and respect for Franco clouding my judgment the same way his love and respect for Joe Paterno is clouding his?

As I mentioned on Tuesday, Chevy sent me and a bunch of other bloggers (not all women! One was a guy and I’ve lost his website name.) on a tour of three local bakeries.

The premise was that we would start at one Burgh bakery where we would get a little tour of the cars and then hop in one of six or so Chevy Sonics and Cruzes and drive ourselves to the next bakery where they would have delicious pastries ready and waiting for us, which we would consume and then hop into our cars and head to the next bakery.

I know what you’re thinking. Did you die and go to heaven because yes, I agree, heaven should be a place where we are whisked away from bakery to bakery forevermore.

I just wanted to tell you two things:

1. OnStar is a son of a bitch sometimes. Except the computer was a woman, so whatever the female equivalent is to “son of a bitch.”

Ho-bag?

Luckily, Gina from My Very Last Nerve was driving the Cruze with me and Burgh Baby as her passengers and she has balls and wasn’t afraid to scream, “NO, MOTHERF*@#ER” to the computer when it tried to take us someplace remote to kill us rather than direct us to Dozen in Lawrenceville.

This is an almost exact conversation Gina had with the OnStar computer as we attempted to tell it we wished for directions from Gluuteny back to Sugar Cafe in Dormont, not that we needed it, but we were encouraged to try the OnStar system:

OnStar: Say the business name and city please.

Gina: Sugar Cafe in Dormont, Pennsylvania.

OnStar: Ok. Let me look that up. I have found several businesses that match. Say the number when I find the business you are looking for. Number 1: Sugar Cafe in Pittsburgh. Number 2: Sugar [something or other] in [someplace]–

Gina: ONE!

OnStar: Ok. Directing you to Sugar Cafe in Pittsburgh. [pause] I’m sorry. That listing doesn’t exist.

Gina: YOU JUST SAID IT DID, MOTHERF&$^ER.

I feel very confident in saying the machines will not be rising up anytime soon.

2. The bakeries!

SUGAR CAFE in Dormont

Sugar Cafe in Dormont is adorable and the lemon cake is perfection. I mean that. You have to try it. Their cupcakes are exactly right, too. Not too sweet so that you can’t even finish one, but just the right amount of sugar so you can eat a million and then MY GOD, THE CANKLES.

DOZEN BAKE SHOP in Lawrenceville

Next up was Dozen, now under new ownership. This was my first Dozen experience and we were treated to Dozen Pop-Tarts (nothing at all like regular hard Pop-Tarts. These are little pies of goodness.), mini cupcakes, cupcake push-up pops (stole one to take home to my kiddo. She loved it.), and pumpkin gobs. All delicious and sweet and burp.

This is a fact: Dozen has the coolest coffee cup chandeliers ever.

GLUUTENY in Squirrel Hill

Next we moseyed back to our cars and headed to Squirrel Hill to sample the wares at Gluuteny and my gosh, try getting a computer to recognize THAT name. Gluuteny is basically an allergen-free bakery. No wheat or milk or anything and here’s the thing … YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW. They’ve managed to make a cake icing that is the best icing I’ve ever tasted in my whole life and I can’t pinpoint why. Crack maybe? Their cupcakes are the perfect amount of sweetness and their brownies have this crunchy top that makes the cankles worth it.

Also, the store manager is gorgeous in a regular way, but also in an indie hip kind of way. I immediately noticed the tattoo across her upper chest and asked her if I could take a picture of it. She obliged and I had no qualms about pulling her shirt back to get this picture for you:

Her name is Char Ross. Go tell her I sent you and the next time I’m there, I’m trying ALL THE THINGS.

Go support your small local bakeries, Burghers!

(Fine Print: There is no fine print. I wasn’t paid in anything but pastries and I wasn’t asked to write a post about my experience. I just chose to do it.)

I have this problem where when I become obsessed with something I just take that ball of obsession and I run with it to the end of the earth. See “Adams, Bryan” and “Zima.”

This day, I’m obsessed with finding pictures of Zdeno Chara of the Boston Bruins, that MONSTER I discovered in this Random n’at, in which he makes regular-sized people look positively Lilliputian in stature.

IT IS SO FUN!

Monster crotch-punches tiny man:

Tiny man tries to bite monster’s knee:

Tiny goalie is happy for the monster’s help:

HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAH!:

Monster wonders why the pesky flea won’t leave him alone:

Monster farts in tiny man’s general direction:

Giant bunny wants giant carrot:

This seriously needs to be someone’s Tumblr.

Also, ahem. [GOOGLY EYES!!!!!!] (kinda NSFW)

1. I have a case of PMS that could kill a horse.

Which is odd because I don’t normally get PMS.

Which is odd because my husband is on the floor laughing right now.

So I’m going to cry.

And eat cake.

And then cry because I ate cake.

Send Pamprin.

2. “Jaromir Jagr: They are going to boo me.”

What are true things that are true and truthy, Alex!?

3. Hizzoner Master Juice Box gave a budget address in which he requested the City of Pittsburgh be removed from State oversight after seven years on account of a balanced budget and spending cuts. Then he said, “And I rock my Hittsburgh gear to the fullest.”

[kicks the dead horse]

4. The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross has an ouchie thumb.

I wouldn’t otherwise care, but last time he had an ouchie thumb it was a state secret and became That Which We Do Not Talk About.

The first rule of Big Ben Thumb Injuries is that we do not talk about Big Ben Thumb Injuries.

I was never here.

[Jedi mindtrick hand-wave]

5. The Pittsburgh Press is back! As an e-edition, but still. If you’re too young to remember The Pittsburgh Press that’s because you have a raging case of Whippersnapperitis. It can be cured by vacating my lawn.

6. Have you ever visited the Aviary’s sloth? I love the sloth. It’s cute and lazy and I think it wants me to hug it. International Sloth Day (it’s a thing! Do you suppose there’s an International Wombat Day? I’m going to check. BRB. EFFING A! October 22!) is taking place on November 19 and the Aviary is hosting a special event to celebrate their sloth, Wookiee.

Details here!

Now I’m going to go check and see if there’s an International Bandicoot Day. BRB. Aw, poor bandicoot. No one loves you enough to give you a day.

7. If you love brewing and/or craft beer, you’ll want to catch a ride on the last two 2011 dates of the Burgh Brewery Tour! They start and end at Penn Brewery and the tour includes tastings at three locations, tasting on the trolley, brewery history, beer knowledge and dinner including appetizer and dessert! Also a “super fun guide.”

Be careful. What if it’s Ray Brooks and he LET’S A BABY DRIVE THE TROLLEY?!

A BABY!

8. If you missed it, Bill Peduto gave the scoop via Twitter over the weekend when Jeff Reed, yes, THAT Jeff Reed, went to the Pens game where his friend stood up on a chair, fell, knocked himself the hell out and had to be taken out by medics on a stretcher.

Steelers Depot has pics including the obligatory photo with an admiring female fan.

Write your own something something Sheetz paper towel dispenser something something sluts joke.

(h/t PittCheMBA)

9. This has nothing to do with Pittsburgh, but I had to share. So you may have seen this video of the Bruins surprising a serviceman’s mother and father with, well, their son. First, TEARS. If you don’t cry, you’re dead inside.

But second, at the end the Bruin Chara comes up to do the ceremonial face-off and he is easily like seven million feet taller than every single person on the ice and they suddenly look like little people next to him and he could squash them with his snots.

Does he have Wookie blood or something? What a monster.

(h/t Jenny)

10. Now I’m going to check to see if there is such as a thing as International Wookie Day. BRB.

Aw, poor Wookie.