1. It’s FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I don’t normally use a lot of excess exclamatory punctuation followed by a 1, but I’m still at the mercy of the Brain Bongos.

In other news, I feel like a straightjacket is in my future. You can only take so much in-brain bongo drumming before you start running the streets screaming and tearing your hair out.

2. The City is upgrading to Google mail for email because their archaic system of pigeons and hastily scrawled notes wasn’t working out too well. Although, it’s possible they upgraded from pigeons to Lotus Notes prior to this switch.

Never one to pass up the chance to speak plainly — non-verboserly, if I may just make up a word, Lukey said:

“Adopting this application aligns with our goals to utilize the best, most innovative technology in order to modernize our government, cut costs, and improve operational efficiencies,” Mr. Ravenstahl said.

Thank you, Pointy-Haired Boss.

When I’m mayor, that will read, “This is going to save us a bundle of money, folks, and added bonus: our emails will actually get sent!”

3. This Pittsburgh proposal story is adorable, fresh, memorable and in a way, historic.

It’s the story all about how the lawyer proposed to the doctor at the location of their first awkward kiss.

Check it out! [/Wendy Bell]

4. Last week an Amish woman in Indiana County (that’s an important part of this) died in a laundry accident.

Gizmodo dug deep and got to the heart of the matter.

Amish Woman Dies after Freak Laundry Accident

Well, this is awful. An Indian Amish woman died while doing laundry the old fashioned way—over a flaming pot of boiling water. It appears the flames got out of control, consuming and killing her with burns. Well.

Indian. Indiana County. Same diff.

[golf clap]

(h/t Dan)

5. My new friend at Make-A-Wish, Dana, informed me that Pittsburgh Popcorn Company’s downtown store is featuring  Hazelnut Nutella popcorn the week of June 17-23.

I’ll be the curly-haired, straightjacket-clad chick first in line muttering about “Bongos. Make the bongos stop. Make the bongos stop, for the love of Nutella.”

If I ask for white chocolate drizzle, will they honor that or kick the crazy lady clutching fistfuls of hair out of the store?

6. I love kids. I particularly love sick kids or disabled kids because, what a hand they’ve been dealt, right?

Another person who loves disabled kids is Pittsburgh native Sean Casey who along with his wife Mandi of Casey’s Clubhouse, and Bob Nutting, broke ground for a special Miracle League baseball field that will be accessible to children with disabilites to allow them to come to love playing baseball.

How awesome is that?

The field will be located in the Upper St. Clair Community and Recreation Center in Boyce Mayview Park.

See more pictures from the groundbreaking here!

7. The problem with me being so wrapped up in those who I shall not discuss (Sigh. The curse. It lives. Maybe I am the curse.) is that I’ve fallen behind on what’s happening with the Pittsburgh Power.

According to reader Tracy, with their recent win, they’re now in first place in the American Conference East Division.

I know many of my twitter friends have been attending the games regularly. How is attendance holding up?

I could Google that, but I’m too busy dancing to I’m Too Sexy which is now playing in my brain.

Sooooo sex-ay.

8.  A funny picture sent by reader Chris.

You know what they say — When God closes a door, he opens a bar.

Rep. Gergely might want to get his signage taken down soon.

9. I’ll have three giveaways happening next week. The first on Monday and then on Wednesday, a combined giveaway for two prizes.

10. Genre’s Kids with Cancer Fund is holding their annual golf outing on Monday and their annual 5K race is coming up in August.

Check out the details for both events here!

I plan to take part in the walk part of the race again this year and therefore will be raising money later this summer for it.

Don’t you fret. Have I got some AMAZINGLY embarrassing pictures to help motivate you to pledge to me. The one I found recently includes me with a mullet, a mustache, and a formal dress.

You ain’t ready for that jelly because it’s business in the front, party in the back, and fuzzy on the upper lip.

11. Finally, a new flash mob hit Market Square today, this one for Pride Week and it is rainbowtastic.

That guy in the front in the green shirt? LOVE.

That’s called COMMITTING TO THE DANCE WITH HAIROGRAPHY, BABY!

1. Remember when Fahrvergnügen was a thing?

Here’s something else I wonder if it’s still a thing — The Pittsburgh Power.

Is it terrible that it’s already fallen off of my radar after such an enjoyable franchise opener?

Here’s something else I wonder — do you think Brett Favre calls his penis Fahrvergnugen?

These are my deep thoughts for the day. The remainder of my thoughts will be much sillier.

2. Ben Roethlisberger granted an interview to Ed Bouchette about his upcoming nuptials and I know because my Google reader exploded with all kinds of news items from all over the country because BEN ROETHLISBERGER IS TALKING ABOUT HIS UPCOMING WEDDING.

This is Big News.

ESPN’s take:

Morning take: Roethlisberger’s wedding will take place on July 23, which is one week before Pittsburgh’s training camp. This is another step in the right direction after two tough years for Roethlisberger off the field.

Man, that almost sounds like they’re calling it a PR move.

Farrior says he was surprised to hear Ben got engaged.

I heard he was dating a girl. When I heard they were getting married, I guess they were dating longer than I thought.”

And they were. They’ve been dating on and off since 2005, according to Ben.

Goodness. He has found himself one tolerant chickadee.

Finally:

Guests will be asked not to bring gifts but make donations to Mr. Roethlisberger’s foundation. He will give any gifts to Ronald McDonald House and Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh of UPMC.

Now that’s the Duke of Fug and Earl of Gross I’ve come to love/hate. Always doing something to climb up a notch on my list. Bravo!

3. Do you know what happens when I start a post in the morning asking if the Pittsburgh Power is still a thing? I come back in the evening to finish it and voila! The Pittsburgh Power is still a thing!

Pittsburgh Power cornerback and former University of Pittsburgh football player Bernard Josh Lay Jr. has been charged with drug offenses in Aliquippa.

[golf clap]

4. Next time someone disses the Burgh all, “It’s in the middle of NOWHERE and nothing ever happens there but corn-shucking and errant goat-chasing,” you can respond with, “Yeah. SO’S YOUR MOTHER.”

Wait. No.

You can respond with, “Yeah, well, Pittsburgh recently set the flotilla world record.”

If you’re brave, follow that up with a booyah, and the definition of flotilla.

5. Wiz Khalifa is Pittsburgh’s no more, in a sense. He’s truly hit the big time with his major label debut Rolling Papers. A recent Spin review of a concert included, “Khalifa’s perseverance had paid off, and he was taking his star turn with the same casual charm with which he’d hand-built his career.”

However, Pittsburgh’s Mac Miller was afforded no such kindness:

Miller’s beats are flimsy, his rhymes elementary, the sort of cliché windmill you’d expect from a scrawny white kid who seems to subsist only on weed, cereal, and cartoons.

Oh, OUCH.

6. Soon, Internet. Soon.

SOOOOOOON.

It’s funny for about three pictures, then you start to worry about nightmares. Then you see the pigeon.

Then you poop your pants. Amen.

(h/t Mike the Butler Woycheck)

7. Wexford’s own Christina Aguilera says Pittsburgh didn’t nurture the arts when she was growing up:

Where I grew up, it’s a very sports-driven town, which, if you’re there, you know. The town I came from was very sports-driven and there wasn’t a whole lot of support for the arts, in my experience. It wasn’t until I went to, I think, the Mickey Mouse Club where I was first able to, I felt, breathe as a kid who loved performing and singing … and dance.

OMG. Christina Aguilera just made a Pittsburgh < Mickey Mouse Club comparison, didn’t she?

I’m curious to know what those of you who work or perform in the arts here in Pittsburgh think of what she said.

8. First, if you’ve never seen it, go watch Roberto Clemente get his 3,000th hit.

Then click here to see an amazing tribute to that hit done in comic book format.

If they ever invent time travel, I’m going to go watch that hit happen.

And then I’m going to go back to when Satan was inventing the pigeon and I am going to bitchslap the test tube out of his hands.

Then I’m going to go back to when Satan was inventing the Check Engine Light and I’m going to throat punch that bastard.

[awkward Kung Fu time traveler moves]

I’m here to serve. You’re welcome.

(h/t Charles)

Did any of you watch the inaugural game of the Pittsburgh Power?

Or as many have taken to calling them, The Pittsburgh Pahr.

I watched it from beginning to end and found it to be an immensely fun game, one in which I sort of had to learn how things worked as it went along. It seemed like receivers were able to cross the line of scrimmage before the ball was snapped. Also, balls could be caught on the rebound, which was unexpected. It was like hockey mixed with football, with players flipping opponents over the cushioned wall, behind which stood the team, personnel, and coaches.

Speaking of coaches, meet the Pahr coach Chris Siegfried:

From the Pahr’s facebook page:

Very nice indeed. Kind of a young Richard Gere look to him.

He’s tasked with keeping motivated and competitive a team of men who earn only $400 per game. That can’t be easy.

He also recognizes what Pittsburgh is:

“We are here in the greatest football city in America, and we better put a great product on the field,” Siegfried said.

Gotta say, it was a pretty good product. Lost in overtime to the Soul, but not before fighting back to tie it in the last second.

He’s the next official Smokin’ Hot Burgher and his crown is in the mail and by crown I mean [sports slap on the butt!].

Tomorrow: Another new Smokin’ Hot Burgher!

Hint: HAWT.

Wait, that’s not really a hint. Here’s another one: CMU professor.

I seriously need to put together a “24 Most Beautiful Pittsburghers Calendar” and sell it for charity.

Remember the XFL? LOL.

I remember it so vividly. My husband was hyper-excited with exclamation points for football during the off-season.

And the rules were a bit different. The two I remember were that there was no such thing as a fair catch, meaning, prepare your teeth to fall out Tom and Jerry style if you’re the punt returner, and the rule that you could get any name you wished on your jersey.

Didn’t have to even be a name! Which gave birth to “He Hate Me.”

I think we cared about the XFL for about 30 minutes.

I wonder how long we’re going to care about the new Pittsburgh arena football team Pittsburgh Power, owned by former Steeler Lynn Swann, which has their inaugural game tomorrow night at CONSOL Energy Center. I honestly don’t know. My husband is once again whipping out exclamatory punctuation that he can watch some form of professional football in the spring and summer. I’m just kind of taking a wait and see approach.

From a completely superficial, non-sports blog, don’t really know nothing ’bout nothing standpoint, here’s what I’ve got my eye on with the Pittsburgh Power:

1. The Dance Team.

Known as The Sparks, they put the boobs in slutty. Did I do that right?

Check ‘em out.

Also, I’m just kidding about the slutty thing. Don’t send me emails. I understand these girls are trained dancers and not just, you know, bow-chicka-bow dancers.

2. The merchandise.

Pretty decent.

As I think it was @shireman on twitter who pointed out that the Pittsburgh Power, somehow, despite being founded in 2010, already have a throwback shirt.

I’m thinking maybe they don’t know what the word “throwback” means?

Or they think Justin Bieber is a throwback to Justin Timberlake.

3. Tickets range from $15 to $180 each. Not bad. Affordable if you’re just looking for something different to do.

4. The first game against the Philadelphia Soul (DUMB NAME) will be announced by Paul Burmeister and Solomon Wilcots, and broadcast on the NFL Network. I will be watching.

5. I wrote a screenplay a long time ago, set in Pittsburgh, about a national anthem singer. In the opening scene, she is singing the national anthem for Pittsburgh’s at-the-time fictional arena football team, The Pittsburgh Bumblebees. TRUE STORY. LOL. What? They’re black and gold! I gotta dig that story out. It was pretty funny.

6. I never really cared about arena football before, so I took some time to familiarize myself with the rules.

Of import:

• Only eight players on the field for each team.
• Field is 50 yards, not 100.
• Smaller rosters.
• Something called a “drop-kick field goal” earns you four points instead of three.
• You can also drop-kick after a touchdown for two-points instead of one.
• I like to drop kick things. It’s just fun, I don’t care who you are.

7. The team.

• I don’t recognize a single name. Not a one. Because I never followed college ball. [shrug]
• The youngest player is 23. The oldest is 33 and he is the kicker.
• The shortest is a 5’8” wide receiver and the tallest are two 6’6” linemen.
• The most experienced is former NFL kicker Paul Edinger who spent 8 years pro while the majority of the team are rookies.
• Quarterback for the opener is Bernard Morris, whose both first and last names would make great butler names.
• He’ll be backed up by Pine-Richland’s Kevin McCabe, who beat out Penn State’s Anthony Morelli for the job.
• I write like I know who the eff these people are. I don’t. Just being honest.

8. Weird thing I found on Wiki:

Edinger is known for his unusual “corkscrew” kicking motion: before the snap he faces backwards in the direction of the opposite side of the field. As the ball is snapped he turns as he steps in a circular pattern toward the ball.

Wow. He really does.

That’s some bizarre-looking circumbilivagination.

SCORE!