That's Church

1. If you’ve been following my sister Tina Fey’s blog at all, you’ll have found this absolutely hilarious post about the evils of Box Tops for Education.

Also, when my sister talks about her OCD and neuroses and obsessions, she is not even kidding. They’ll make a TLC show out of her soon enough. They’ll call it, “The Crazy Lady Who is Terrified of Dented Cans of Tomatoes.”

2. Monday is MAKE ROOM FOR KIDS 3.0 FUNDRAISING KICKOFF DAY AND I GET TO REVEAL OUR MOST AMBITIOUS PROJECT EVER AND I AM SO EXCITED THAT I CAN’T STOP SHOUTING.

ALSO, RAMPANT PUNCTUATION SPOILER ALERT!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. Sarris Candies had a devastating fire last night and it feels like the Wendell August Forge disaster again. However, Wendell came back stronger than ever and therefore, Sarris will too.

Pics of the heartbreaking flames here.

4. The penguins at the zoo are going to go on walks for the zoo visitors now, like a parade!

I can’t wait!

There better be fireworks too or this isn’t a real Pittsburgh parade.

5. Headline: “Banned In 19 States, Animal Gas Chamber Still Legal In Pennsylvania”

Me: “Is it available for rent? For pigeons? I’m asking for a friend.”

6. Occupy Pittsburgh has been ordered to vacate Mellon Green, and their response to that has been measured and mature.

I’m not even being sarcastic.

7. Frank McKinney is a real estate guru and children’s book author who traded places with a Pittsburgh homeless man recently, for a one night stay at the Light of Life Mission.

Pretty cool.

Also? WHOA:

I don’t even know where to start. It’s like David Copperfield and Siegfried and Roy made a baby!

8. The new guy over at DVE is comedian Bill Crawford and for some reason I thought “Bill Crawford” sounds like the name of a 55-year-old man. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, you geriatric yinzers.  However, as this video of Bill Crawford meeting Sean McDowell for the first time will show, Bill is quite the whippersnapper, getting a whole eyeful of Sean’s jaw-dropping Steven-Tyleresque yumminess:

I hope that’s really how Sean McDowell introduces himself to fans who approach him in the grocery store.

9. Pictures of Ben Roethlisberger and his wife golfing in Hawaii. Nice butt-pick, Mrs. R!

(h/t PittCheMBA)

10. My dad and reader Becky both emailed me this photo and said maybe I should give this a try to solve my weather-related dish problems:

That’s actually kind of brilliant.

Mean Joe Greene commercial from 1979.

Mean Joe Greene commercial from 2012.

Awesomeness.

(h/t My dad)

Thanks to Dooce, I recently discovered the videos of Tripp and Tyler, AKA The Don’t Be That Guy guys. Their video called “Shit Nobody Says” is the most perfect thing ever.

“How can I make papyrus my default font?”

“I wish there was more WNBA on television.”

“My Bazooka gum still has flavor!”

Although, really, that should be “Fruit Stripe Gum” which holds its flavor like a feather holds a space ship.

Anyway, so I spent some time going through their amazing videos like their portrayal of various awkward runners, things you can’t do when you’re NOT in a swimming pool, and more.

And I also found this video of theirs featuring Jerome Bettis from 2010 and it is hilarious.

I miss those old style block numbers. The Steelers should go back to those.

Also, I just thought of something else nobody ever says!

“I rock my Hittsburgh gear to the fullest.”

I think I’ve seen these on other blogs, I can’t be sure, but check out Wee Wood Be Pals on Etsy, particularly the Steelers ones:

Hines:

The Beard:

And Troy Polamalu if Troy Polamalu wanted to EAT YOUR SOOOOOOOUL.

Adorable … in an I-want-to-eat-your-soul kind of way.

Side note: The artist also makes voodoo dolls!

I wonder if he’s got an Uggs-sporting Tom Brady doll.

WITH TEARS.

(h/t Aileen)

Well, poop.

I’m still not over that loss to Tebow.

Some Steelers stuff we need to discuss.

1. Tyler Grisham was signed by the Denver Broncos and he even tweeted a picture of his contract, saying it was bittersweet:

First, me = sad panda.

Second, you guys, we have found the last typewriter in existence!  And here we thought they were extinct.

I bet the NFL still uses rotary phones.

2. Dan Rooney will soon be leaving his Ambassdorship post in Ireland to return to the Steelers in some fashion. But there is no timetable for his return.

DRINK!

3. Bruce Arians’ contract as offensive coordinator was not renewed and the Steelers labeled it a retirement:

Team sources had told ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortensen on Sunday that the Steelers let Arians’ contract expire against the wishes of Roethlisberger. The sources said Steelers president Art Rooney II wants the team to regain its blue-collar identity on offense.

Arians confirmed that Roethlisberger didn’t take the news well. He publicly campaigned to keep Arians after the 2009 season when it looked like the coordinator’s job was in jeopardy.

“He’s not happy, but that’s part of the business,” Arians said, adding that he and Roethlisberger are neighbors.

Bruce Arians is one of those big targets for many Steelers fans when they’re looking for a place to shoot their Arrows of Blame.

The reason the Steelers are seeking a new OC, according to reports, is that Art Rooney wants to go from a pass-first offense to a “blue-collar” run-first offense.

Geeze. We’re giving away all our secrets!

Maybe it’s time for a change in offensive leadership; however, let’s hope The Duke of Fug doesn’t rend his garments, put on the sackcloth, paint his face with ashes and pout about the bitches not taking his shots anymore.

4. Speaking of Benny, he wisely settled the rape lawsuit out of Nevada. This goes against Ben’s initial insistence that he would never settle this lawsuit out of court because of his innocence. Does this turn of events mean he’s guilty?

Not necessarily. I’m guessing he is looking to spare his wife a trial where the details of his sexual escapades, consensual or not, with this woman would be aired for all to hear.

Come on. No one wants to know what Ben calls his peepee.

I’m guessing Benapalooza, though.

Or Frank.