That's Church

Being as hard of hearing as I am means I often activate the audio transcription on YouTube videos. It’s not a perfect technology by any means, but it is helpful in assisting me in figuring out what is being said. It fills in the gaps a bit. For instance, the Obama interview on YouTube got almost all of the transcription correct:

You can see it catches most of the words. Unless the words are being spoken with a thick Pittsburgh accent, then the audio transcription software shits the bed in gloriously hilarious fashion all, “I DON’T KNOW WTF THIS DUDE IS SAYING!”:

The possible band names you can generate this way are LIMITLESS.

I’m partial to Isolated Ripon.

This is Phil of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania (pronounced Ponx-soo-TWAY-nee in Mexico), who predicts the arrival of spring with 100 percent accuracy according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club (LIARS!):

Yes, he’s alive.

And this is Jimmy of Prairie, Wisconsin, who has predicted the arrival of spring for the past 64 years with a reported 80 percent accuracy:

(via Facebook)

It would appear, Internet, that we have TWO weather-predicting groundhogs in America and no clear answer as to who is the real authority. There is only one way to settle this matter.

Where can we get two tiny pairs of nunchucks?

Thanks to Dooce, I recently discovered the videos of Tripp and Tyler, AKA The Don’t Be That Guy guys. Their video called “Shit Nobody Says” is the most perfect thing ever.

“How can I make papyrus my default font?”

“I wish there was more WNBA on television.”

“My Bazooka gum still has flavor!”

Although, really, that should be “Fruit Stripe Gum” which holds its flavor like a feather holds a space ship.

Anyway, so I spent some time going through their amazing videos like their portrayal of various awkward runners, things you can’t do when you’re NOT in a swimming pool, and more.

And I also found this video of theirs featuring Jerome Bettis from 2010 and it is hilarious.

I miss those old style block numbers. The Steelers should go back to those.

Also, I just thought of something else nobody ever says!

“I rock my Hittsburgh gear to the fullest.”

I missed my chance to vote for this, but Doritos held a commercial contest in which viewers were asked to vote their favorite among five finalists, with the winning commercial being shown during the Super Bowl and earning a $50,000 prize with a chance for a million dollar prize.

One of those five finalists was Burgher Joby Harris whose “Birds of Prey” commercial is absolutely hysterical. I’m assuming the bird being portrayed is a pigeon because what other bird acts that aggressive over chips?

Go have a watch! I think it’s a winner.

If I wrote that commercial, the dude would have puked up his Doritos onto the sidewalk and then immediately snarfed them back down again.

And then I would have appeared on screen and punted him to Mars.

[awkward kung fu moves]

Late posting today because I spent the entirety of the morning and early afternoon at Burgh Baby‘s house taking her DSLR for Beginners course where I learned what my camera buttons actually do! I had no clue that I could change my aperture or my ISO or my shutter speed. I had no idea why my camera was always blinking at me. I had no clue why some pictures would come out too bright and others too dark, despite the fact that they were taken in the same room.

Now my eyes have been opened and if you thought I was annoying before, just you wait. It’s going to get all manual up in this piece.

I learned how to take portraits:

How to adjust shutter speed and ISO so that this cool silhouette effect takes over:

About ten seconds after that picture, the cat tried to bitchslap that apple good. I guess cats don’t like apples. Just like they hate everyone and everything on the planet. Cats are hateful.

I learned how to take pictures of water and to use my shutter speed to change how the water looks:

I learned how to find interesting angles and compositions:

I learned that the actual Burgh Baby has lots of freaky looking dolls that probably talk in their sleep:

I learned that some dogs actually let you take pictures of them whereas my dog sees the camera and calls up his friend the cat all, “Teach me how you do that bitchslap thing.”

And I learned that chocolate chip cookie dough dip is delicious and photogenic:

Probably could have lightened that up a bit.

More Pittsburgh posting soon, but for now, I hope you enjoyed these pictures! If not, maybe you’ll enjoy the 47 pictures I took of YOUR MOM.